Eye Contact and Love in Your Relationship

In 1997, Arthur Aron developed a theory that 4 minutes of eye contact makes people closer and increases intimacy. In this episode, you’ll be encouraged to take steps to connect with your spouse and truly look them in the eyes without being distracted by all the noise around you.

What you need to know about eye contact and your relationship:

You’re missing out on more intimate love without eye contact with your partner.

  • Think of times that you and your partner are in the same room and talking, and don’t make eye contact.
  • There might also be times you are in separate rooms and doing your own things, when you could take 4 minutes to become closer every day.
  • Do you watch tv separately? Or talk while watching tv?
  • Are you looking at your phone during conversations with your spouse?
  • Do you stay busy with cleaning or other household tasks, without taking just a few minutes to connect?
  • When you go to bed at night, how much have you actually looked at your spouse?

What eye contact can do for your love in your relationship:

  • Set aside 4 minutes today to sit with your spouse and make eye contact. Try to just connect through your eyes, without even talking.
  • You will feel closer to your partner. Deep eye contact is vulnerable and can feel intense. It may bring up deep emotions for you. This is an experience you’re sharing with your partner, thus building a closer connection.
  • Mirror neurons also come into play here. You’re activating neural pathways of connection and empathy through eye contact with your spouse.

Putting eye contact into action every day in your relationship:

  • You might not do this 4 minute experiment every day. But you can take time every day to make eye contact and connect with your spouse. Even if it’s over dinner or during a short conversation after work, put your phone or other distractions away and make eye contact while talking. You’ll begin to notice how each of you feel closer to each other.



Special thanks to:

Will Gladden of LEVEL Digital Music Entertainment for making the music for the podcast.


My mission with the Marriaging podcast is to help you create a more authentic and connected relationship. I’m always working to provide you with the best help for improving communication and intimacy in your marriage. Please subscribe and leave a rating and a review to support the podcast.
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