Emotionally Focused Therapy
Online Therapy in South Carolina
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a research-based approach to help your relationships heal.
Whether it's your relationship with yourself, your partner, or others, Emotionally Focused Therapy can help you find security and wholeness.
Primarily developed by Sue Johnson, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is based on research showing that it maintains stable results from therapy over time. This means you and your partner can experience a lasting connection long after you’ve finished therapy.
I believe in this model because it views you and your relationships through a lens of attachment. What that comes down to is, you want to feel secure: securely grounded and self-assured, and securely attached in your relationships. You want to feel confident in yourself just as you are. You want to trust your partner and to feel validated and understood. So, when you’re hurting, it’s maybe because you're getting stuck in fears or feeling like the person you love is not there for you.
Why I want you to know about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT):
I am a certified EFT Therapist. So, what that means is I’ve been through a process of further trainings and additional supervision by EFT supervisors. This gave me in-depth, hands-on experience using EFT to help clients with a variety of issues. Therefore, you can be sure that you’re receiving effective, research-based treatment from a well-trained therapist.
I believe in how this approach can help you and I've seen clients grow and find joy and security within themselves and their relationships when completing EFT.
Emotionally Focused Therapy helps my clients heal deep wounds, restore their sense of security in relationships, and grow their trust in themselves.
Emotionally Focused Therapy helps us understand you in the context of your relationships.
If you're coming for couples therapy, you can expect that I will help you and your partner learn to recognize the patterns you both get stuck in. Once you see that pattern, you can better understand what's going on in your relationship. As a result, you will develop compassion and empathy for each other, and change the actions you take to create new, healthy ways of communicating and caring for yourselves and each other.
In therapy, you may talk some about things going on in life, arguments you have, or other various situations you encounter. However, what we come to explore is how in basically any situation, you and your partner have an underlying cycle that lays the foundation for your relationship.
The cycle develops over time based on how you perceive each other (when you’re seeking security and don’t feel close). You want your relationship to be safe and secure. But, sometimes you may interpret something your partner says or does as hurtful. You may feel unheard, unwanted, or unloved. You each respond in different ways to these uncomfortable feelings.
There is a common pattern for couples, what we refer to as the pursue-withdraw pattern in Emotionally Focused Therapy.
However, sometimes you both may pursue each other, or you both may withdraw. Here are the basics:
The Pursuer
The pursuer may come across as someone who is critical or harsh. The pursuer typically gets louder when they’re upset because they don’t feel heard.
The Withdrawer
The withdrawer tries to defend themselves, and may even attack sometimes too. They usually end up shutting down and pulling away, fearful of messing up.
It's important to remember these are just basic examples of relationship stances. In therapy, we get into what your experience is in the cycle, and what you need when you're feeling stuck.
You can also learn more about EFT at the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy site.
Couples often want to know how EFT works, and what sessions look like. Here's what you can expect in therapy:
Your relationship has a unique communication cycle.
We start with understanding your cycle and helping you each de-escalate, getting to a point where you can understand the underlying needs and emotions involved in the pattern. We explore how you respond emotionally when you’re upset, and what fear that may be coming from.
EFT is effective for helping couples with a variety of issues.
Some of the most researched issues using EFT include experiencing trauma, infertility, infidelity, and communication issues. My approach with EFT will help you and your partner work through the anger and frustration about what you’re experiencing, to validate the hurt and insecurity you may feel. As a result, you can grow closer together, build trust, and communicate with more understanding and empathy.
What about Emotionally Focused Therapy for Individuals?
Emotionally Focused Therapy is also an effective approach for helping individuals as they seek healing and growth. The path in individual therapy is similar to that of couples therapy, but it's aimed at helping you individually to repair the areas of hurt in your life.
When you're coming for individual therapy, I use EFT to help you recognize the patterns in your own life.
Oftentimes, we develop ways of coping and managing through difficult issues. Maybe you get stuck in miscommunication with your loved ones, or you have negative feelings you can't seem to shake, or you're trying to heal hurts. Your anxiety, your lack of self-esteem, your constant striving for perfection- all of these things can leave you feeling limited and unable to truly feel at peace with yourself and others. Your ways of coping with these stressful experiences, internally and in relationships, aren't working.
Together, we'll examine the patterns in your own life- the places you feel stuck- and we'll figure out what's really going on.
When we understand the context of your stuck places, you can know what you really need, and develop better ways to cope, communicate, and heal. You have the power to care for yourself.
I've used EFT to help individuals repair their relationships, even when the partner isn't involved in therapy. I've also used EFT to help women heal- whether they're grieving with fertility issues, trying to find confidence as a busy mom, or dealing with the anxiety of trying to have a balanced life. You can find inner strength for all of the hard things you face every day.
Contact me today to schedule your free 20-minute phone consultation and learn how Emotionally Focused Therapy online can help you.
Once you've requested an appointment, keep an eye on your email. When the consultation is confirmed, you'll receive an email with a brief questionnaire to complete before we talk.